Instead of feeling better, I feel frustrated. I was like, "Why is it so easy for others and hard for me? Making friends is supposed to be a basic skill, and I can't even do it?". I felt I failed at being human because I can't connect to the surroundings.
I used to blame society for being "not smart enough" for me, but I was wrong cause I'm not as smart as I thought.
The moment I realize most people are conformist. It's their natural ability, which I don't have. That's why they're so easily connected and feel the "same" thing at the same time, while I am confused about what they are feeling and why I can't feel the same.
Now, I realize it's not really my fault. People are born differently. Just because we can't connect it doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. It's just we don't fit each other. The relationship just doesn't work.
Maybe a lot of people can't fit with me, but it's okay that there are still others who naturally will fit for me. I just have to find them. I believe they are out there for me. I just have to be honest about my feelings.
I can't force things to be like I want. It will feel forceful and effortful for me, and for them. Well, I guess this is the phase of my acceptance.
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